Into the Meltdown
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?
I crash into the meltdown pane
A dead bird—choked on hot laced air
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?
Disintegrating fallout cares
Reliving what was this insane
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?
I crash into the meltdown pane
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Would you like to hear me read this Triolet?
A, B, a, A, a, b, A, B scheme
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April 5, 2011 at 10:28 am
Adam,
This was a great triolet. I enjoyed the flow. “Disintigrating fallout cares” this was my favorite part of the poem. A great look at what we are dealing with currently. Thank you for sharing.
April 5, 2011 at 11:05 am
Always appreciate the brave first comment. lol Thank you, Corbie.
April 5, 2011 at 10:35 am
haunting reality…nice triolet…of course it makes a great metaphor as well…particularly of relationships…niceone shot man!
April 5, 2011 at 10:59 am
Hauntingly resonant piece, an effect only emphasized when one listens to the audio of it. Has that echo effect in your mind – gives one the shivers. A most interesting triolet – meltdowns and fallout all. Must agree with Corbie of course, in that “Disintegrating fallout cares” is certainly the central moment of the piece, that line to which I find the greatest build, the power note, as it were. Downbeat, to be sure, but well stated.
April 5, 2011 at 11:11 am
Reflects such sadness of the situation in Japan…so many stories to be told about the events in the years to come…fine piece.
April 5, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Wow Dustus..yes maybe..no harm in being positive. It works.
April 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Modern take on the triolet, certainly not a light hearted upbeat dance in this one. Echoes of Japan and something altogether more human. Touching Adam, made even more so by the reading. Thanks for sharing.
April 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm
you have taken triolet and thrown it head first into the 21st century..very deep and very low….but excellently written…pete
April 5, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Gah! I think I felt my neck snap. I like all your writing adam, but especially when you write these short ultra-condensed images. Prefect use of the triolet, which repeats and uses the stiletto twist, like all the bad news which reflects itself, seems to reach an apogee but then only gets worse.
April 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Sorry… I didn’t get it. Maybe I’m in the middle of a meltdown…
April 5, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Sincerely hope that’s not the case for you.
April 5, 2011 at 4:13 pm
The world news is a bit overwhelming. This captures it well.
April 5, 2011 at 4:21 pm
echoes of your voice went perfectly with the poem.. very chilling Adam!
April 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm
When you’re not with nature, you’re against it. None of us are ready, the dance is more a centrifuge, and there’s a drain below. Hard, biting, true and yet still musical.
April 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm
A short sharp piece that really delivers Adam. Nice one shot.
April 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Wow, very nice. Hopefully, there is a future somewhere. I always read yours more than once to take it all in. Also, love the new blog look. 🙂
April 5, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Unique way of reminding us of Japan. There is a future…….somewhere.
April 5, 2011 at 5:01 pm
heavy, heavy fallout…
April 5, 2011 at 5:06 pm
you have made us all aware of our fragile existence on this planet….hopefully we learn to fly free from this crashing…bkm
April 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm
quite effective! Especially when you read it, Dustus. Nice form!
enjoyed it
thank you
April 5, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Powerful words Adam. In the chaos that seems to circle everyones lives in some way, I feel this is a moving and heartfelt piece. Very nice poem indeed.
All the best to you.
April 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Enjoying this one shot today…hoping for future one shots! Nice.
April 5, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Hopefull and honest…I enjoyed this slice…cheers.
April 5, 2011 at 6:44 pm
My poetry lesson for the day. I like it.
April 5, 2011 at 6:56 pm
nightmares tonight. excellent triolet though. ♥
April 5, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Great One Shot entry.
April 5, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Adam, I love the triolet and I love your honesty.
Pamela
April 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm
the question does echo…and it might take a crash to find out. The reality is just across the pacific…it was 65years ago and again in this present future.
April 5, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Powerful…. Great reminder …there is a future someday…somewhere
April 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Not only did I enjoy reading the poem, but when I listened to it it seemed as though you deliberately added some echo, I can hear distance and almost isolation. Did you add any reverb or effect specifically or is this how your audio normally is?
April 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Thanks, Justin. I add some echo and reverb for effect. Glad to see you link up for OSW
April 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm
A well written triolet on a very important subject.
April 5, 2011 at 9:48 pm
A great question posed poetically. “Maybe there’s a future somewhere?” I know I will ponder it. I wrote a poem asking a similar question. Sounds like we are on the same wave length. A wonderful write.
April 5, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Let’s hope the future is a great one for us all.
April 5, 2011 at 10:03 pm
It packs a punch – a powerful punch. Good one, Adam,
April 5, 2011 at 10:12 pm
wow…short and powerful.i read this and felt truly powerless for the people of japan…super write.
April 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
You’ve packed a lot of power in your triolet, Adam. I’m sure this is a question on the minds of many right now. How dreadful it must be to have your present yanked out from under you.
April 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Loved the line, I crash into the meltdown pane, well done, poignant.
April 5, 2011 at 10:43 pm
wonderful, powerful piece of social commentary… listening to it, especially how you tweaked it as if coming via a intercom box from the future, really brought the message home..
April 5, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Your short piece is as sharp as the pain caused by the shards of glass, the fallout, after the bird crashes; a metaphor for so many recent crashes . The question about the future is the only one on our minds these days. Excellent.
April 5, 2011 at 11:43 pm
nice.
April 6, 2011 at 12:34 am
Realistic, current, and classic all at once. Wow!
April 6, 2011 at 2:50 am
perfectly done !! loved it 🙂
April 6, 2011 at 2:53 am
Powerful verse!
And thanks for stopping by and participating in my latest Limerick-Off! I enjoyed your poem and hope you’ll join us regularly. I post a new Limerick-Off every Sunday or Monday. 🙂
April 6, 2011 at 6:06 am
I absolutely love taking writing challenges when I can. Yours is very cool! That was the first limerick I have every attempted and enjoy the form instantly, especially the humorous aspect to it! I’ll try to take part in Mondays 🙂
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
April 6, 2011 at 3:28 am
Guess we are nearing our end!
Jokes n all such theories apart, the count of quakes and all other devastations are only pointing out in that direction..
Well, so sorry that we ourselves brought upon us this fate!
Very well written Dustus!
Thank you for that kind comment at my site- made my day!
Hugs xx
April 6, 2011 at 3:42 am
Meltdown is never comfortable!
April 6, 2011 at 4:12 am
Nicely done, meltdowns happen, finding the strength to overcome is a must.
Yes Adam “Just For You” Lol. 😉
Anita.
April 6, 2011 at 6:34 am
I am a triolet fan, which means I’m biased – but this is quite a good one, especially since the subject you chose is not an easy one to fit in the usually light mood of a triolet. I also like the subtle twist, in how you take the bird – almost overused in lyrical poetry – and turned it into a more ominous symbol.
April 6, 2011 at 7:49 am
This really illustrates a bird flying blindly into a window pane;-
“A dead bird—choked on hot laced air
Maybe there’s a future somewhere?
It says a lot about life and death. The glass could be the entrance to another world or an invisable barrier we can’t get through.
Interesting – and very well done!
April 6, 2011 at 8:15 am
Right on man with the topic and message. I have been writing recently on Nuclear Power… brought to our consciousness again with the Japan crisis. Neat little triolet.. can seem a little obsessive this form, huh? But powerful when you have a message I find. The repetition really underscores the point.
Small thing, but ‘maybe’ is trochaic, not iambic (‘MAY be’, rather than ‘may BE’). You could go with ‘perhaps’ (per HAPS)… but using ‘maybe’ is making you want to put that whole line trochaic, ie –
MAY be | THERE’S a | FU ture | SOME where (or some WHERE)
per HAPS | a FU | ture IS | some WHERE – something along those lines would be iambic and have the same meaning, no?
Apologies for meddling, thought you might appreciate that as you are going for iambs all through. Whatever, great piece.
Warm regards
Luke
April 6, 2011 at 8:47 am
No meddling at all, Luke. That’s why I put my work out there. However, I will leave the line the way it is and not make the claim that it’s iambic. Appreciate your attention to detail. cheers
April 6, 2011 at 8:42 am
There is no future, nor is there a past – there is only here and now. (So it’s all good, Adam! LOL!)
April 6, 2011 at 11:23 am
I live in present. That works for me.
Long time since I wrote a triolet. I gotta one write again…
April 6, 2011 at 12:34 pm
A well-structured triolet with haunting imagery.
April 6, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Backfist. Sidekick. Left hook.
Knockout.
This triolet carries the day.
April 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Powerful. Scary. And for me, very personal.
April 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Very powerful, Adam, especially when spoken. I like to see you take on a tough subject in your triolet. It has made the form more masculine, and all your own.
April 6, 2011 at 3:41 pm
You pose an interesting question…and you don’t seem hopeful about the answer. However, that does not detract from how you expressed it. Pretty effective, if you ask me. Vb
April 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm
A very relevant and topical write of great power and perception.
April 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Nice One! Cool gadget too. Much said in few words. JH
April 6, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Chilling even as a triolet–the poetic form I often compare to a ‘pas de trois’, playful in challenging threes! I love how you worked the message in, direct almost bare yet if at all, a proper usge, sublime. Thanks, Adam!
April 6, 2011 at 7:12 pm
*shivers* I’m left speechless. thank you for sharing your work.
April 6, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Everybody — follow the bouncing ball…Sing!
Give me that old time radiation.
Give me that old time radiation.
Give me that old time radiation.
It’s good enough for me.
April 7, 2011 at 7:31 am
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom
REM
April 7, 2011 at 8:21 am
I loved the image that started this presentation, and the form is perfect, but the killing blow was the reading. You almost make this too easy 🙂 and I am enjoying my visits more and more. Thanks 🙂
April 7, 2011 at 10:38 am
I like that ‘i crash into the meltdown pane’ line.
It’s got some action within it, if that makes any sense at all.
April 8, 2011 at 9:02 am
This flow of this was absolutely perfect like the words were created just for this poem.