Just know that I did love you
Before my coffin calls
Some lies corrode like pesticide
Cutting felt with saw
Time had taken three words
Past life for it I’d say
When match won’t spark
Missed archer’s mark
Instead she split
My brain
People make their choices
Remanding those who came
So what if I hear voices!
Lost pawn engulfed in flames
Who knew these were true feelings?
Undoubtedly grim to pall
Blossoming beside herself
Snow White had judged me wrong
*The above poem is my response to the One Stop Poetry Sunday Picture Prompt Challenge. The prompt was shot by photographer & poet India Hobson. She is the featured artist today on One Stop Poetry.
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This entry was posted on April 2, 2011 at 11:10 pm and is filed under One Shoot, One Stop Poetry, Poetry Reading with tags Blog, dustus, National Poetry Month, One Shoot Sunday, picture prompt challenge, poem, poet, Poetry, poetry online, Poetry Reading, Snow White, the fairest one of all. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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April 2, 2011 at 11:19 pm
great poem… your work always has such amazing flow & rhyme.. so perfectly put together.
April 2, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Appreciate that, Anthony. Hope you’ll take the challenge if you have a chance 🙂
April 2, 2011 at 11:24 pm
nice take adam…agree on th wicked flow…and such a painful thing love or the death of…this was a fun pic and i am actually up already…cant sleep…
April 2, 2011 at 11:33 pm
I guess The City That Never Sleeps has left its mark on you! Thanks for taking the challenge today.
April 3, 2011 at 12:46 am
love the poem and especially the Snow White connection. {sorry i haven’t been around lately to comment-laptop problems} congratulations on winning the Shorty Award in Arts @Onestoppoetry ~ most well deserved by you all!
April 3, 2011 at 12:51 am
No worries. Glad you’re back, dani.
Thanks 🙂
April 3, 2011 at 2:37 am
I love how controlled your lines flow for such pain and depth of remorse–it could splatter in a mess but for your deft hand. Excellent take, as usual. Thanks, Adam!
April 3, 2011 at 3:53 am
methinks you lament one that got away — she didn’t judge you wrong — didn’t you love them all? — she knew what you were after — she says, “i ain’t no sandpiper” — you can tell in her eyes — she says, “you ain’t gonna alligator me in your pond. you can swing that big tail all you want but you ain’t rollin’ me under your water” —
April 3, 2011 at 4:21 am
What pain, “just know I did love you before my coffin call”
nice write
April 3, 2011 at 5:41 am
Someone hand me tissues…beautifully penned Adam.
April 3, 2011 at 5:51 am
Some lies corrode like pesticide
I’d say all lies… but what a strange thought to have arisen as a result of a picture oozing purity…
April 3, 2011 at 7:38 am
I get what your saying—though not sure that’s 100% true, and am thus leery about generalizing “all” in a poem. Using that word (all) brings up a valid point to criticizing. Saying that, I realize the word occurs in the title. However, title comes from part of a famous story. Thanks, jinksy. Appreciate your comment.
April 3, 2011 at 8:04 am
Very beautifully composed!
vividly expressed..!
Wishing you a nice Sunday.. 🙂
Hugs x
April 3, 2011 at 8:20 am
This is outstanding! Wonderful flow.
April 3, 2011 at 8:49 am
an unusual take …. very interesting. 🙂
April 3, 2011 at 9:30 am
Adam, Your poems written for the picture prompt never fail to amaze me. You’re always first up, and I always read yours first – it kind of sets the bar.
What a perspective you have chosen here.. I read it as the voice of the ‘wicked step-mother’, who becomes a spurned parent left crushed after being rejected by a young and impetuous teenager. ‘So what if I hear voices?’..the voice of the mirror, perhaps.
Those 4 opening lines are brilliant.
April 3, 2011 at 9:36 am
Hey Adam, nice one !
Happy Sunday !
JL&B
April 3, 2011 at 9:59 am
Adam! I suppose I should not be surprised that we both had the same cerebral inspiration! Check out my post. As fantastic as your words are, I was having a good laugh at our parallel. Cheers, my friend.
-Pounds
April 3, 2011 at 10:45 am
Fairytales are always full of sadness, horror and death, even when they have a supposedly happy ending. Interesting that the old tales end up as children’s fare, I’ve always thought–enough, some of them, to keep a kid up all night. I like your wordplay in this one, the sense of an opportunity wasted, a sacrifice burning, something important lost forever…through the vanity of someone ‘blossoming beside herself,” perhaps?
April 3, 2011 at 10:49 am
the snow white moniker instantly took me to pale images of death and despair…that which we don’t see behind the camera.excellent.
April 3, 2011 at 11:28 am
Great response to the photo Adam. I’m beginning to really look forward to your posts. They are intense and skilfully constructed, and I love your voice, so evocative and well modulated. Many congratulations.
Kind regards, James.
April 3, 2011 at 11:59 am
I love your angle of using emotions to express this picture, another great poem from the master.
April 3, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Great…”so what if I hear voices” wow that is my favorite line…an arrow that split the brian…what a line for the description of love…very nice ..this is a great photo..bkm
April 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Beautiful flow and rhythm. Excellent!
April 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm
She got away, it seems. 🙂 But I do love fairy tales and I prefer the earlier versions -the ones NOT watered down. Sounds like things were said to hurt… I liked this.
April 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Such an interesting last line…it really was quite effective within the poem.
April 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm
You had me at “cutting felt with saw” sitting on that a while…nice to invite Snow White into this.
April 3, 2011 at 2:33 pm
What a great take on the prompt! Who knew the wicked witch loved snow white! You’ve drawn as sympathetic a portrait as I can imagine. “So what if I hear voices.” Smile. The cadence and rhyme suggest a children’s story, creating a nice tension with the dark subject matter. Well-done!
April 3, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I like how you’ve worked the elements of the photo together – the expression, the mirror image, the flower — into a sense of lost love. Nice one, Adam.
April 3, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Great one, Dustus, unnecessary to say… but typical
It’s always in the first and last lines that a poet states their greatest message, Snowwhite will be there after the coffin stuff – we all hope…
But damn it it!-Why not, say, right now?
April 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I think you ask why not Snow White? Gee, not to put me on the spot. lol Let’s just say SW is too good for me 🙂
April 3, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Awesome take on the image, creative word play (as always!) that spins a tale we are all familier with into something new,modern and fresh. Loved it.
April 3, 2011 at 6:03 pm
This is incredible.
April 3, 2011 at 6:30 pm
thank you
April 3, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Beautifully rhythmic! Love the fairy tale reference! Fairy tales are often dark.
April 3, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Your poem touches upon so many memories of my life Adam, poignant yet beautiful.
Anita.
April 3, 2011 at 7:33 pm
you’ve done such a fabulous job of drawing out the ethereal quality of this photograph.. tis interesting, the photo is filled with such light, yet your words travel in darkness.. lovely, indeed ~
April 3, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Interesting take on the beauty in the photo. The mirror must capture the dark side as well—
April 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm
ah, SW cannot be too good for you ….for I doubt prince charming could have written anything better than this! I visited Shan first and told her that hers was my fav but now I have two (it’s a tie 😉
April 4, 2011 at 7:12 am
Loved the audio effect… gave the piece more depth. There’s just something about poetry being read aloud. Nice job!
April 4, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Hi Adam, how do you get round to responding to each comment? 🙂
I love the first stanza especially. It awed me at first read.
Gina
April 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I don’t, unfortunately. I try to comment in return on visitors’ work though.
Appreciate you stopping by, Gina
April 4, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Thanks Adam.