My love craves sweet together time
For life affirms emotions bared As if stars shine like Coldplay lines My love craves sweet together time On beachfront sand we lay supine One soul suspends like salt in air My love craves sweet together time For life affirms emotions bared
__________________________________ Would you like to hear me read this Triolet?
A, B, a, A, a, b, A, B (iambic)
*Special thanks to my OSP teammate Claudia. If you have not yet, check out her blog Splittergewitter
Wonderful triolet, and loved the reading! Shan helped me with my own, (awesome help!) This is beautiful, and you have captured such a simple longing, One soul suspends like salt in air…loved this particular line.
Very nice – I thank many of us are longing for beach time. And I don’t even need romance to enjoy it – so tired of brown… (at least we have no snow) This is a fun form… I never would have tried it if it hadn’t been for One Stop Poetry.
Lovely triolet all about romance – mine is about the French court. It’s on Beachanny’s Texas. I probably should have put it up for today’s osw but I didn’t. Yet again I try something different. LOL. Liked the reference to Coldplay here. It has a very musical feel. Thanks, Gay
Triolet is predominantly romantic and I’m so damn proud of you for trying it out {hugs}}! Iambs are lovely, great use of modern in there as well, and boy…we definitely pronounce supine differently đ Excellent job Adam, a really enjoyable and pleasing read.
Hey you are sick?
And hosting? Brave man…and better poet!
Loved this troilet! And listening to you is … hummm, makes a difference.
ah and that ‘sweet’ word, sweet together time… sweet indeed.
Great triolet, romantic but not soppy, very suited to the form..I’m intrigued by the one soul that suspends in air…and where is the other? The twist perhaps before the ending couplet. I also liked the way the ocean is present; even though it’s just barely mentioned as a backdrop, the rhythm of the lines is wavelike and lulling. Very nice package all around, as always, adam.
Adam, fantastic example of a Triolet. I personally liked the Coldplay touch. I’m a sucker for romantic poems so of course I really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing!
Impressive, i struggle so much with these strict forms.
I guess free flow appeals to me for that reason.
I have respect for anyone who can do it and you did a great job with this one
impressive as usual. Your poems really make me think and reflect. Thinking about your poetry makes me realize how sometimes we see ourselves in a poem like a mirror. How do poets paint mirrors that hundreds/thousands… see some version of themselves in?
My heart finds peace in this poem sublime… đ
LOVED this poem, AD…
“One soul suspends like salt in air” — that line was like WOW!! Brilliant imagery translated to equally awesome words!
Beautiful triolet Adam. You test poetry in its purest forms and that is an extremely difficult thing to do. Some day when (if)my patience grows into its body I will have to give it a whirl. I love the line “As if stars shine like Coldplay lines” and your reading always enhances your poetry. Great job my friend!
Adam, I am not familiar at all with the form triolet…but your rhythm is wonderful here.
I don’t mean to be ornery, but your reading of this so lyrical and romantic poem was a bit too harsh for my ears. It was too intense, where the words are so romantic and emotional. Perhaps it was the cold?
Poetry readings are so damn hard. I don’t do well in my own. But this is the first time I have had some reason to criticize your generally wonderful readings.
Lady Nyo…who doesn’t fault the words, your poem at all.
Feedback noted and appreciated, Lady Nyo. Can’t blame a cold for a perceived inconsistency. Valid points. Indeed, perhaps too intense a reading for the nature of the form.
I’m trying to sort through things on this lovely poem, Adam.
It’s a sweet poem, in nature… what also inspires me in this poem is the wonder. Perhaps that is the root of my criticism here.
Pitching your voice lower, softer, and with a sense of wonder at what the poem speaks of….these lovely, powerful and evocative words!!
In hearing tanka read in Japanese….I have learned something. Pitching the voice lower, varying the stresses (which, come to think of it, isn’t really done in Japanese) but stressing certain words, perhaps pausing for emphasis slightly on a particular word or line.
i love the way ‘together time’ sounds … this is well written, dustus. i hope you’ll join me for imperfect prose on thursdays sometime. thanks for stopping by my place! e.
Very beautiful Adam…especially love this line: “One soul suspends like salt air” meets with such romantic and merging placement. đ As always much enjoyment reading your work. ~April
Hi Adam.. great triolet… nice to hear it read too. I’m working my way to that lol. Like the Coldplay ref, great band. iambic tetra flawless too… love that word ‘supine’… all there, baby
Adam,
I really love your readings — excellent!
“One soul suspends like salt in air,” I love the stanzas of heavy “S,” the sound and timbre are sublime.
Great One Shot! Thanks for hosting this week and for your kind comment at my site, too.
~xo
so much emotion and such sweet love in a restricted form! I loved it … more so because I am not very good at dealing in specific forms and I feel my writing gets a bit too contrived those times. regards.
Bravo on keeping up a sweet-but-not-trite flavor of romance in this triolet. The Coldplay references gives it just the right hint of humor, too. Again, bravo on the whole. đ
I love your triolet! Glad you mentioned the form, as I knew it was a particular poetry form but wasn’t sure which! Also, thank you for your kind comments on my poem and for visiting my blog.
March 8, 2011 at 11:38 am
Wonderful triolet, and loved the reading! Shan helped me with my own, (awesome help!) This is beautiful, and you have captured such a simple longing, One soul suspends like salt in air…loved this particular line.
March 8, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Hey Tasha. Thanks for being the brave 1st comment. Glad you liked my Troilet. good to hear Shan’s OSP post was helpful đ
March 8, 2011 at 11:47 am
Love the upbeat tone of the poem and your reading of it.
March 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Charles, I have the worst cold today. Took me forever to read this without sniffling. lol
March 8, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Very nice Reading Dustus…love that last line….emotions bared…Yes! thanks …bkm
March 8, 2011 at 1:44 pm
mmm…time on the beach with the one i love…sounds about right to be…smiles. lovely triolet adam! see you tonight!
March 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Very nice – I thank many of us are longing for beach time. And I don’t even need romance to enjoy it – so tired of brown… (at least we have no snow) This is a fun form… I never would have tried it if it hadn’t been for One Stop Poetry.
March 8, 2011 at 3:14 pm
smiles..lovely, romantic triolet adam…i like the coldplay lines..
March 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Lovely triolet all about romance – mine is about the French court. It’s on Beachanny’s Texas. I probably should have put it up for today’s osw but I didn’t. Yet again I try something different. LOL. Liked the reference to Coldplay here. It has a very musical feel. Thanks, Gay
March 8, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Triolet is predominantly romantic and I’m so damn proud of you for trying it out {hugs}}! Iambs are lovely, great use of modern in there as well, and boy…we definitely pronounce supine differently đ Excellent job Adam, a really enjoyable and pleasing read.
March 8, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Beautiful triolet, very meaningful and touching to read! I love it!
March 8, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Excellently done, and so true.
March 8, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Lovely, and so romantic. “One soul suspends like salt in air…” Sigh.
March 8, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Nice Triolet!!!
beautifully set as well
moonie smiles – sorry you are sick
March 8, 2011 at 5:12 pm
bravo Adam! great troilet my man
March 8, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Hey you are sick?
And hosting? Brave man…and better poet!
Loved this troilet! And listening to you is … hummm, makes a difference.
ah and that ‘sweet’ word, sweet together time… sweet indeed.
hugs
March 8, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Great triolet and great reading! I love that ~ sweet together time ~ Thanks Adam
March 8, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Great triolet, romantic but not soppy, very suited to the form..I’m intrigued by the one soul that suspends in air…and where is the other? The twist perhaps before the ending couplet. I also liked the way the ocean is present; even though it’s just barely mentioned as a backdrop, the rhythm of the lines is wavelike and lulling. Very nice package all around, as always, adam.
March 8, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Lyrical and romantic đ
March 8, 2011 at 5:46 pm
bloody hell adam…where did that one spring from….damn fine poetry here my friend… seriously good…pete
March 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Adam, fantastic example of a Triolet. I personally liked the Coldplay touch. I’m a sucker for romantic poems so of course I really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing!
March 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Relatable, romantic, sweet in the truest /most relatable sense of the word.
March 8, 2011 at 7:03 pm
one soul suspends like salt in air; such beautiful imagery here; mystical and spiritual; and so lovely.
March 8, 2011 at 7:24 pm
So, much truth in that last line, Adam.
Nice one shot!
March 8, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Pardon me Adam…
But I do believe that your Heart is right there on your sleeve!!
Great Poem
March 8, 2011 at 7:56 pm
So very very nice Adam….you made me smile đ
March 8, 2011 at 8:07 pm
well done B…I like to hear the male perspective in romantic pieces
Peace. hp
March 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm
So romantic! Loved this!
March 8, 2011 at 8:29 pm
“Life affirms emotions bared…” it’s great when this line plays out true in real life, isn’t it? Sweet piece đ
March 8, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Impressive, i struggle so much with these strict forms.
I guess free flow appeals to me for that reason.
I have respect for anyone who can do it and you did a great job with this one
March 8, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I would have to agree with @Artswebshow…you do this so well…love the reading.
March 8, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Sweet. Didn’t even know what a triolet was (then I googled it.) Suddenly I feel inspired to write one. Stay tuned!
March 8, 2011 at 10:33 pm
impressive as usual. Your poems really make me think and reflect. Thinking about your poetry makes me realize how sometimes we see ourselves in a poem like a mirror. How do poets paint mirrors that hundreds/thousands… see some version of themselves in?
March 8, 2011 at 11:00 pm
Thanks for the extra effort of forming it. The oft repeated lines are the base notes of this song.
March 8, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Ah! On beachfront sand…Wonderful! âĨ āŽÎĩlÎĩÉŗa ~.^
March 8, 2011 at 11:47 pm
Great write! Such good use of the form!
March 9, 2011 at 1:09 am
Marvelous word execution.
March 9, 2011 at 4:59 am
Ah yes love..true love always craves that together time and never once does feel fulfilled craving yet for more.
March 9, 2011 at 5:07 am
Beautiful piece and a smooth flow.
Anita.
March 9, 2011 at 5:29 am
My heart finds peace in this poem sublime… đ
LOVED this poem, AD…
“One soul suspends like salt in air” — that line was like WOW!! Brilliant imagery translated to equally awesome words!
March 9, 2011 at 6:51 am
“My love craves sweet together time
On beachfront sand we lay supine….”
Lovely poem, enhanced by being able to actually hear it spoken (what a great feature that is by the way)
March 9, 2011 at 6:56 am
beautifully romantic, simple and clear…I really love this line Adam, “One soul suspends like salt in air.”
March 9, 2011 at 8:32 am
Beautiful triolet Adam. You test poetry in its purest forms and that is an extremely difficult thing to do. Some day when (if)my patience grows into its body I will have to give it a whirl. I love the line “As if stars shine like Coldplay lines” and your reading always enhances your poetry. Great job my friend!
March 9, 2011 at 8:38 am
Like your modern twist on this form.
March 9, 2011 at 8:58 am
Adam, I am not familiar at all with the form triolet…but your rhythm is wonderful here.
I don’t mean to be ornery, but your reading of this so lyrical and romantic poem was a bit too harsh for my ears. It was too intense, where the words are so romantic and emotional. Perhaps it was the cold?
Poetry readings are so damn hard. I don’t do well in my own. But this is the first time I have had some reason to criticize your generally wonderful readings.
Lady Nyo…who doesn’t fault the words, your poem at all.
March 9, 2011 at 9:04 am
Feedback noted and appreciated, Lady Nyo. Can’t blame a cold for a perceived inconsistency. Valid points. Indeed, perhaps too intense a reading for the nature of the form.
March 9, 2011 at 12:26 pm
I’m trying to sort through things on this lovely poem, Adam.
It’s a sweet poem, in nature… what also inspires me in this poem is the wonder. Perhaps that is the root of my criticism here.
Pitching your voice lower, softer, and with a sense of wonder at what the poem speaks of….these lovely, powerful and evocative words!!
In hearing tanka read in Japanese….I have learned something. Pitching the voice lower, varying the stresses (which, come to think of it, isn’t really done in Japanese) but stressing certain words, perhaps pausing for emphasis slightly on a particular word or line.
Well, that would make it musical!
Just some thoughts, Adam.
Lady Nyo
March 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Honored and flattered by your detailed thoughts and attention to my work. Very helpful. Thank you.
March 9, 2011 at 9:53 am
You read that with a cold? Ha! Nicely done Adam. I can relate to the theme, too.
March 9, 2011 at 10:11 am
Adam, I marvel at you !!
You are a very gifted writer, this Triolet is perfection !!
March 9, 2011 at 11:00 am
Fancy forms not withstanding, this is a nice piece, Adam!
March 9, 2011 at 11:34 am
This is beautifully lyrical and very evocative. Fine job!
March 9, 2011 at 1:12 pm
That is beautiful. Very romantic.
March 9, 2011 at 1:19 pm
i love the way ‘together time’ sounds … this is well written, dustus. i hope you’ll join me for imperfect prose on thursdays sometime. thanks for stopping by my place! e.
March 9, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Longing for the beloved?
Wonderful expression of love! Not at all dragging but tranquil..
Hugs xx
March 9, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Adam, I so enjoy hearing the poem read. Such perfect meter. Thank you.
March 9, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Sweet, short, honest…long-staying with your voice. Haunting now with so much longing. Thanks, Adam!
March 9, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Gorgeous, romantic piece!
March 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm
great job dustus the soul reference i could see beautiful….your speaking voice is fine you should have a cold all the time…
March 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Almost beach time in SE Texas, but mostly fishing time begins. Love the troilet form, what a great rhythm and rhyme to celebrate together time!
March 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Very beautiful Adam…especially love this line: “One soul suspends like salt air” meets with such romantic and merging placement. đ As always much enjoyment reading your work. ~April
March 9, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Beautiful poem, Adam. Like a fine-cut gem.
March 9, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Adam, you do romantic so well! Hearts a-flutter.
March 9, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Hi Adam.. great triolet… nice to hear it read too. I’m working my way to that lol. Like the Coldplay ref, great band. iambic tetra flawless too… love that word ‘supine’… all there, baby
Cheers
Luke
March 9, 2011 at 5:43 pm
nicely done, I love the form.
March 9, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Adam,
I really love your readings — excellent!
“One soul suspends like salt in air,” I love the stanzas of heavy “S,” the sound and timbre are sublime.
Great One Shot! Thanks for hosting this week and for your kind comment at my site, too.
~xo
March 9, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Awwww, so sweet! Beautiful writing.
March 9, 2011 at 10:30 pm
Sexy, sensuous, lyrical.
March 9, 2011 at 11:33 pm
I like the form – and it suits your subject well. I also enjoy your readings.
March 10, 2011 at 1:50 am
so much emotion and such sweet love in a restricted form! I loved it … more so because I am not very good at dealing in specific forms and I feel my writing gets a bit too contrived those times. regards.
March 10, 2011 at 2:47 am
Dear Adam,
‘One soul suspends like salt in air’ is one of the most beautiful expressions I have come across …. liked your triolet so much. thanks for sharing…
āĨ ā¤¨ā¤Žā¤ ā¤ļā¤ŋā¤ĩā¤žā¤¯
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-memories-from-living.html
Connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay
March 10, 2011 at 7:40 am
Bravo on keeping up a sweet-but-not-trite flavor of romance in this triolet. The Coldplay references gives it just the right hint of humor, too. Again, bravo on the whole. đ
March 10, 2011 at 9:20 am
Thanks a lot, Adam. Now I’m gonna have freakin’ Coldplay songs in my head all day. :-p
March 10, 2011 at 9:57 am
beautiful
March 10, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I love your triolet! Glad you mentioned the form, as I knew it was a particular poetry form but wasn’t sure which! Also, thank you for your kind comments on my poem and for visiting my blog.
March 10, 2011 at 4:40 pm
fantastic triolet. very cool to hear you recite it. You have a wonderful reading voice…like those who read books on CDs, I’m serious!
March 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm
For life affirms emotions bared ~
very nice work…was singing it the third time..
March 11, 2011 at 8:18 am
This triolet is so sweet and romantic. I like the rhythm, rhymes and of course the modern twist đ
PS thank you for stopping by my site đ
March 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm
One soul suspends like salt in air – love the alliteration in this line Adam, great triolet.
April 25, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Oooh..lurveeeeeee this one Adam đ