The Serpent Coil
The following post is for One Shot Wednesday is my response to the latest Bookstains Challenge. This challenge takes an abstract form— considering Barbara Hepworth’s untitled sculpture as the source of poetic inspiration… (read more)
Fetal positioned squinting eyes
Beginning life shock—that burning light
Swaddled in newspaper sterility
Spinning backward, sleet rain, movie reels flipping
Maddening sway, she shifts her hips
Fool me blush and licking lips
In totem stockings run from pain
This living through
Your bit insane
Metallic tasting molars
Tin foiled, tempered stealing
Collide in scope stains as
Color wheels spinning
Through imagined laughter of Goethe
Inspiration from Whitman
Lucky to be alive
Once again
Crawling clumsily through nothingness
Past streaming years, recalling anger, swallowed tears
Among the branded tracks & spineless backs
Wrenched in clutching sadness, shading leaves
Serpentine madness, mineral evergreen
Quivering half-bent upon bathroom floor
Eying grime, filth clings to belly
When the walls cave your heart
Unmoved, mind stirring
Forgetting all that past as learning
This lowly love
When song born again
Apple stands, seedless core
Black almond shaped smoker’s trache
Peeling back the serpent coil
Piano wire fangs puncture
Harp string strung out desire
Reddened to appeal, bon appétit
Search to feel when incomplete
These corrosives kill
Through core of earth
Our sphere surreal
Until dusk from birth
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Care for a reading?
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One Shot Wednesday!
Participate by posting a poem & sharing feedback
Brian Miller is your host this week!
@ One Stop Poetry
January 18, 2011 at 2:02 pm
“Collide in scope” NICE play right there. To me, that’s check and mate.
January 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Hi Keats! “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” Sorry, I couldn’t resist 🙂 Appreciate you stopping by.
January 21, 2011 at 5:05 pm
LOL… It’s an old nick-name. My mom’s called me Keats almost all my life. My real(ish) name is Kila (pronounced Key-la, short for Kilashandra), and I started writing poetry from the time I could string letters together… Her favorite poet was Keats… thus the nick-name was bestowed upon me. And yes, that is a lovely poem.
January 18, 2011 at 2:22 pm
nice. some great word play dustus and several differing feelings with each verse…the second made my teeth hurt just a bit…smiles. nice one shot!
January 18, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I just read yours…. awesome stream of conscious flow, overall great stuff!
January 18, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Effective, distinctive imagery and word choices.
January 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Serpents and Apples—oh how very biblical, Dustus. Oddly enough I’m struggling with how to meet this same Echostains challenge–and in contrast, the shooting a coyote on Beacon Hill got my pen going instantlly. Wait–now I have THIS sculpture connected twice with bullets…..eegads. Now sure what might come of this surprise.
Anyway, Hi. Enjoyed your poem.
January 19, 2011 at 6:04 am
Thanks for stopping by. Definitely curious about what you post. Can’t wait to read it 🙂 Cheers
January 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm
How can a lifeless item bring so much imagery and feeling so deeply wishing it gained that life-in you and your words, Adam
Greatly done
January 18, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Wow! that’s a really powerful poem Adam!
I like the way the serpent lulls her prey into false security;-
“Maddening sway, she shifts her hips
Fool me blush and licking lips
In totem stockings run from pain
This living through
Your bit insane ….
and then straight in for the kill!
Thanks for joining in – appreciated!
January 19, 2011 at 6:06 am
You know I love your challenges, Lynda. They are my favorite prompts. I even like them better than the ones I post on Sunday. lol Will be on the lookout for the next one. Cheers 🙂
January 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm
[…] we have a fantastic poem by Adam Dustus – you really must check out his blog – and One Stop […]
January 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Really enjoyed your reading of this one…good word play in the lines.
January 18, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Lots of Biblical references and I agree with previous comments Adam clever alliteration here to prove the point. I do think I need to listen and read a few more times before I get the meaning of the poem. Strong closing lines, and your reading was very passionate.
I’ve been told off for saying “great stuff” on my comments…so I’ll say powerful wordplay word smith
January 19, 2011 at 6:08 am
Shan, you can say whatever you want on my blog, my friend 🙂
January 18, 2011 at 4:50 pm
you left me kind of breathless – such a lot of fantastic imagery in there – crawling through nothingness..wow – and your reading adds much to it – heartfelt – intense – tight
January 18, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I must say Dustus, this my fav of yours so far. The words, everything about this poem is just perfect.
January 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm
A feast…I’m still chewing on it!!!
January 18, 2011 at 5:35 pm
whoa ! first one shot i read and this was unbeatable stuff !! you are the master !
January 18, 2011 at 5:55 pm
and the dots connect…Evelyn Wood approved
January 19, 2011 at 6:08 am
LOL thanks
January 18, 2011 at 6:15 pm
haha – love the symbols – a strong poem
January 18, 2011 at 7:39 pm
“Totem stockings run from pain…” brilliant line! A sumptuous feast of sound and image!
January 18, 2011 at 8:02 pm
This is just inspirational; your writing style and captivating way with words. Glad I stopped by ;). Words which paint a scene with such radiant colours indeed … Thank You for sharing 🙂
January 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Yikes! Give me an umbrella. Someone is throwing their possessions out of the second story window. “Don’t jump,” I scream. “I’ll pay your rent.”
What a surreal piece of writing. Yes, I hear Whitman but I also hear Ginsberg and a little bit of Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues.
I read the poem once. Then I listened to it twice. You can’t just read this poem once to enjoy it.
These are my favorite images:
squinting eyes
life shock
she shifts her hips
Crawling clumsily
swallowed tears
Serpentine madness,
mineral evergreen
half-bent upon bathroom floor
Eying grime, filth clings to belly
Forgetting all that past as learning
Harp string strung out desire
Search to feel when incomplete
Your reading was superb…and now I’m going to eat an apple.
January 19, 2011 at 6:10 am
LOL You just cracked me up twice! thanks, Ted
January 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm
The whole poem seems made up of hard hitting, quotable lines, adam. Each stanza is self contained with its interpretation, and yet each moves seamless into a whole, full of emotion, pain, loss, growth, all kinds of images of birth, and a lot more I probably have missed, and all the unusual word associations “..mineral evergreen…”-masterly. Just excellent.
January 19, 2011 at 6:11 am
Appreciate your detailed commentary, witch. We all do 🙂
January 18, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Your words just mesmorized me. I was captivated!
January 18, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Fear, anger, hurt, original sin and woman, your name is HURT written all over it. Powerful, sir, really powerful and painful. I am hurting still as I’ve read it three or four times now. Excellent! Gay @beachanny
January 18, 2011 at 8:59 pm
“Crawling clumsily through nothingness
Past streaming years, recalling anger, swallowed tears
Among the branded tracks & spineless backs”
That just pierces right to the heart for me. Good one, Adam.
January 18, 2011 at 10:22 pm
Nice words about so manyemotions one experiences in love/desire
January 18, 2011 at 10:47 pm
I love the dark decadent feel this gives me and this is most definately one of my very favorites of yours Adam.
January 18, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Jesu! This is much deeper than I am, Adam. I’ll have to read this again, and again, and again,…but your reading of it helps greatly.
The impulse forward is what I grasped most, and the imagery is just so….complex….I will have to study this more.
I feel like you have rounded the Universe in this poem…>I just need time.
Lady Nyo
January 19, 2011 at 12:16 am
Some nice throwbacks there, Dustus, and some captivating imagery besides, dark as it can be. I would concur with hedgewitch, though – you certainly thought up some unusual mixes for the image, odd word associations, but it all works still, it’s not broken or inconceivable; they build the uniqueness of the piece, and furnish it. Emotional and distinct. Powerful piece!
January 19, 2011 at 12:17 am
dustus, you brought this abstract to life – emotions as if this serpent coil was clinching the earth striving to give birth to its new life form (the human). Intense write…bkm
January 19, 2011 at 1:28 am
your ability to turn the fundamental stages of life into a piece such as this is impressive. bravo!
January 19, 2011 at 6:42 am
Great piece Adam, each verse yanks you off into another direction. Loved the hidden rhyme in places too (“madness” and “sadness”, “wire” and “desire”, etc.).
January 19, 2011 at 7:54 am
“Among the branded tracks & spineless backs”….love the way this feels in my mouth and as it exits as well.
January 19, 2011 at 8:33 am
You covered many angle of this piece. Splendid. You really looked over that sculpture!
January 19, 2011 at 8:43 am
Clever, liked the alliteration and word play.
January 19, 2011 at 9:53 am
This is one I will enjoy reading many times and I’m sure each time I will discover new meanings. Wonderful, Adam!
January 19, 2011 at 10:08 am
amazing wordplay with coils of meaning… impressive.
January 19, 2011 at 10:23 am
Longer than your usual style. lol
Great poem though, i was gripped through out
January 19, 2011 at 11:43 am
Wow Adam, beautiful flow. This is a great poem. Keep them coming! 🙂
January 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Gets me thinking on so many levels I’m not even sure how to comment. Well done.
January 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm
I love the word play in this piece Adam.
January 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Your are disgustingly creative! I mean that lovingly. Great poem, you rocked it. ♥
January 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Phheeww!! Your wordplay really stuns me, Adam! Intense and powerful – these are the qualities that I can attach to this poem..
The cyclical nature of life (and of everything else too) is so well depicted here… with all those analogies ofcourse!!!
A great job, my friend!
January 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I read this, and I think I’m in the Garden of Eden — or perhaps just expelled from it. Good one, Adam.
January 19, 2011 at 9:28 pm
A take from this piece, a feeling of mixed emotion, pain, anger, sorrow okay enough to describe the dark feel, but it was well done, well said. Nice one…
January 19, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Beautiful words, excellent words of wisdom spurred from within this poem, great!=D
January 21, 2011 at 4:51 am
Dear Dustus
Very strong and very well crafted. It made me think a lot…
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
January 21, 2011 at 9:48 am
Fantastic word play. I really enjoyed this poem. It flowed so eloquently as well. Perfect for the picture. Thank you for sharing.
January 24, 2011 at 7:56 am
Very well-written and well read! So many wonderful flowing lines that amaze me!!! “Our sphere surreal” wow that seems to really hit me….of course the entirety of it so drawn into. Excellent!! 🙂 April