Dustus Blog

What do I want out of life? It’s a simple, straightforward question; however, I can’t help thinking I’m way off in asking that. Maybe I just want too much? After all, I’ve been conditioned to think I need to obtain things like status and recognition. Perhaps I’ve gone through life seeking glory and asking a ton of meaningless questions? Or is it that stubborn streak in me that seems to crave acceptance?

While I don’t have any answers, I do know where I’ve been.

I used to suffer from severe anxiety and depression. Such feelings and panic attacks severely limited my life. I tried to shun as much social contact as possible. Never believing I would change, thinking for many years that I was doomed to feeling like a person who couldn’t handle his own emotions; something finally did happen. It took a long time, but once getting a grip on what I was experiencing, I resolved to keep trying to understand the source of these fears in my journal. Though painful at times, I dissected almost every thought and recurring memory that I had not accepted in childhood and adolescence. As a result, the more I wrote, the less frequent the panic attacks. I got much better and owe a great deal of my recovery to the discipline of writing.

While trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I developed my writing voice, which in turn inspired the many hours I spent honing my craft. More than becoming a writer, I began to look at the world outside of my negatively ingrained habits and prejudices. Writing is therapy. I feel the need to write. While I still don’t have any real answers to much of my self-questioning, I’ve come to befriend the very best part of myself. I respect my ability to reflect and have resolved to respect Life as a curious mystery 🙂

This entry was posted on November 19, 2008 at 11:53 pm and is filed under writing with tags adam dustus, American writer, anxiety, depression, journal, life, panic attacks, writing, writing therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.